And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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