I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Randomize
