I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
