East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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