Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
