I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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