i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
