your parents love me but you hate me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
