Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
