You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
