I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
