im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
