I hate all girls vehemently.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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