your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
