my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
