Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
