Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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