weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
