you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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