So drunk its hurt
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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