just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
