Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
do herpes really smell.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
