my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
