I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
