I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
