i just had sex bonerless
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
