How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
