Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
