Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
