Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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