I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
