i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
