Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
