my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
