: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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