where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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