I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
