i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found a bag of teeth...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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