...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
