Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
