How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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