my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
