Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
