I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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