That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My feet surprised me
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