just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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