I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
