dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
