we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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