Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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