Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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