quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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