I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
